The cup is half filled.

I never thought that the words that would some day escape my mouth would be, “I am very optimistic.” I was always a pessimist to the point of extreme. I would pull the most depressing and terrible things even out of the sunshine. The turn to being optimistic was not over night and certainly not a “one time and I’ve got it” kind of operation. It took years for me to start seeing the world in a different light and I still work on it to this day.

I am a huge advocate for teenagers, that are recent high school graduates, to not rush into college. I watch it daily in the halls, the library, and even the classes I attend. These incoming freshmen not caring about the money their parents are spending. Not caring about the material being presented to them. Frankly, not even caring if they look presentable to the outside world. These are the kids that struggle ever day with the idea of what they want to be when they grow up and rightfully so. I was one of those kids.

I didn’t jump into my academic career and get the A’s that I am receiving now. Not even in the slightest. I failed Math 100, basic algebra, four times before finally getting a B- (which to me is an A+++++). I had no idea what I wanted to be and I had no intention of sitting in a classroom to find out. All I wanted was to experience life. So for ten years that is what I did. I experienced the crap out of life and then life dished it back and I wasn’t too fond of that. So I started thinking about what I wanted to do. This is important, because at the age of 26, my parents were no longer going to help me pay for school and this was all on me. This is what I want to do, not them. Honestly it’s the best light bulb or flipped switch to ever happen. I found a motivation deep inside me that I couldn’t put out.

Why do I tell you this story, possibly for the millionth time? I want to spread that love of learning and motivation that I have on to fellow students and friend. I have something that I know can only encourage others in their adventures and quests in academia as well as their life outside of the classroom.

This month I’ve been living every day with this quote’s reminder:

“Almost every successful person begins with two beliefs: The future can be better than the present. And I have the power to make it so.” –David Brooks

 I hope it help anyone else this month. It’s something that is getting me to achieve my goals this week.

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On being chronic collector… 

… Or nesting. 

I get told often enough that I “have a lot of stuff.” I do.  There is no point in denying it or trying to paint a different picture. I’m fairly eclectic and I dabble in many different medias and interests. Usually when I pack I feel like a majority of my burden is getting my books in boxes. Boy do I have to a lot of books. The second biggest problem I have is my movies. However, I had just spent two hours removing them all from their cases into media binders for easier transportation. A hard decision that wasn’t made easily in anyway. 

I was once called a “media whore.” A term I neither like nor agree with. I love stories and try to absorb them in anyway possible. It’s a product of how I was raised; a gift from my mother. It may be born from bedtime story time where my mother would have my siblings and I (an occasional neighbor boy from time to time) pull our pillows and blankets to the floor in our bedroom doorways. We’d lie on the floor as she read us stories. She’d never miss a voice. My biggest memory of this is the story of the Christmas Tree, the one that was too big to fit in any house so it kept getting clipped until it was just right for a mouse. I loved it. 

Stories. I like watching them, reading them, writing them, crafting them, and imagining them. It’s a big part of my nest.

Nest. What a choice of words but that’s what it is. It’s my comfort zone. For ten years I’ve floated from one apartment to another room to another apartment to another room and the story goes on. I did this fighting major depressive disorder with general anxiety, PTSD, and suicidal ideation. The only way I was comfortable is surrounded by my collection of things. My movies, books, music, and craft supplies. I Used to describe my home as my things instead of a place where shared memories with loved ones are created. 

With those two explanations I don’t deny that I have a lot of things. I am not a hoarder if that is the impression you’ve gotten. I am actually quite clean and very capable of giving to thrift stores. I just don’t live the life of a minimalist. I just hope that better explains why someone might have a lot of things. Maybe, it’s deeper then absorbing the newest media trend (which is also not me, books I tell you.) 

My Study Area

This is my study area right now. I am very in love with it but I am getting a new desk pretty soon here. The skull is my partners and the dinosaur is mine. What ever desk I have is always alway sufficient to me.

Today I got home early from work and got to clean a bit around our apartment. Is it weird that I find my flow in working and cleaning. I also get it from studying and that I find to be extremely beneficial. I wasn’t a very good student before I started school up again two years ago. When classmates say that they wish I had half the motivation that I get a bit confused. I sometimes wish that these people could have seen that I wasn’t good at studying and testing.  But whats the point? I really want to achieve and I strive for that now and if I’m a role model for that then so be it. I’ll try harder and harder and help whomever needs it.

I’m going to work on some Criminology soon. I may or may not do that whilst taking a bath. I seem to take a bath every other day.

Winterim 2

Yesterday, after only three hours of sleep I had a full eighteen hour day that consisted of only desiring sleep. I stared a few time at my homework and decided it was the wrong day for studying.  Which then resulted in. Full ten hour study session today. I was up by seven and writing my first paper by 7:10. When I finished at 9 I was able to shower and prepare myself to audition for an internship at 10:30. 

  

The interview went off without a hitch. I get to work with the population I’m going to graduate school to help. I’m nurvous and extatic all the same time. I hope it’s only reassuring me that I’m doing what I ought through school. 

I had celebratory coffee and groceries picked up by noon. 

  
I started my exam by 12:30 and finished it confidently by 2pm. There were at least three repeated questions. I don’t understand why teachers expect higher quality work then they put in. I honestly feel like I have had a never ending to do list today. But every second of it is cherished. 
  

I dove right into the 70 minute video and second essay. It was such a struggle to write. If a paper is hard I feel the better. I feel like it pushes to find more conclusions do the same problem. I want to think. I want to struggle. 

  

Now, I relax. I have a weekend in front of me but I consider that more time to get ahead on reading.